Kissing You
by Bella Begood
Summary: AU Sequel to Dancing With You. SSHP RLDM. Severus left at Harry's request, but can they rebuild a relationship after everything that's happened? Can Remus and Draco survive an unexpected guest?
1. Chapter 1

Kissing You

Disclaimer--Not mine. I'm just playing

AN WARNING! I have changed things up a bit. The POV's will be revolving, and idea that I got from Hakkai's Lady's story "Green and Gray." She gave me the permission to use that and found the song lyrics. I LOVE YOU HAKKAI'S LADY! And BIG thanks to my betas Eris and Oreopet. Without you two I wouldn't have posted more.

Pride can stand  
A thousand Trials  
The Strong will never fall  
But watching Stars without You  
My Soul cried  
Grieving heart is full of Pain  
of, of The Aching

'Cause I'm Kissing You, oh  
I'm Kissing You, Love

Touch Me Deep  
Pure and True  
Gift to Me Forever

'Cause I'm Kissing You, oh  
I'm Kissing You, Love

Where are You now?  
Where are You now?  
'Cause I'm Kissing You  
I'm Kissing You

Lyrics to "Kissing You" by Des'ree one of my all time favorite love songs

Chapter 1:

Severus had been gone for three months nine days and roughly twelve hours, and I'd thought about him for almost every one of those days. I hated that I knew that. The odd part is that I think I'd hate myself even more if I didn't know that. I caught myself lying in bed trying to do the math and figure out exactly what time it is in Tahiti. He might not even be there anymore, for all I knew. Even though I was the one calling the shots, I felt so helpless. My life had been turned upside down, and I didn't even know where to begin anymore.

I think I've spent my entire life looking for some kind of control. I wanted to find a way that I could change the outcomes that I feared the most. I was afraid that I would spend my life never knowing what it was like to really compete like other kids, so I started playing basketball. I was afraid I wouldn't have friends that I could depend on, so I clung to the true friends I found. I was afraid for the future of the children who didn't have anywhere to turn, so I started work on the center. You get the idea. I guess I thought that I'd worked everything out. It took Ginny's death and Severus almost dying before I realized exactly how stupid I'd been. I learned the hard way that no matter how much I tried, I couldn't control other people's actions, only my reactions. For the first time since I was a kid, I was completely helpless to change the way things were going. I couldn't protect Severus from Ginny, anymore than I could protect Ginny from herself. And isn't that what you do when you love someone? You take care of them, and keep them safe. After all, I was the reason this whole thing started.

My guilty conscience was killing me. I'd look at the scars on him and remember that I'd put them there. I didn't fire the gun, but I was just as responsible. He would have stayed if hadn't told him to go. I know that he loved me as much as I love him. But that was why I couldn't hold him back anymore. There were so many things out there for him . This whole time, I had hurt him, and kept him here. He deserved more.

Sometimes, I would picture him walking barefoot in the moonlight on the beach. I could almost see the look of disgust on his face as the water washes up to his feet. The light is sparkling on the water and makes his pale face almost look like it's shining. A wind catches his long, black hair. And in that fantasy, I'm there with him. That dream would come to me even in the middle of the day. I would be sitting at my desk on minute, and imagining him the next. I hadn't had daydreams like that since I was seventeen years old.

Everyone around me could see my inner war. Remus was used to this kind of thing with me. I was lucky enough to have a "father" who would wait for me to confront my own demons and share them with him. We were spending the evening at their--well, actually Severus's--condo. Between my godfather and his lover, Draco, I was now forced to eat more of the gourmet junk that I hated. Remus eyed me carefully as he loaded the dishwasher. "Severus called last night," he told me.

I took a bite of one of the cookies Ellen had sent over for me. "Oh?" I asked with my mouth full.

He nodded. "Tahiti was too hot for him. He finally moved on to Moscow. His publisher has his contact information for you, and he says you can always email him if you should want to speak with him."

I knew exactly what Remy was implying, but I wasn't ready for that. "I won't bother him on his trip. Moscow might just suit him."

"It might," he agreed sitting down beside me. I could always tell when he had something important to say, because he would never say it standing. He got to my eyelevel. " Harry, if you don't love him, you should tell him. Letting him wait in Tahiti for you was one of the most idiotic and cruel things I have ever heard of."

"You sound like Draco," I said frowning.

"Well, it just so happens Draco has the correct idea on this mess. This isn't like you, Harry. In the beginning, I was afraid of him hurting you, but it seems I've had that a bit backward."

"Why do you think I told him to go?"

He sighed. "I've told you a million times--it wasn't your fault."

I shrugged. There was nothing I could say to make him understand. I'm sure if Draco had been shot he'd know why I couldn't call him. And I could think of quite a few people who might want to shoot the pain in the ass.

The evening seemed to drag on after that. Remus and Draco were two of the most annoyingly romantic people I knew. Even Ron and Hermione's puppy love back in high school wasn't this bad. They were constantly kissing and touching. The staff at Zora's nearly gagged every time they saw them, and I wasn't far behind them. In the living room, Draco practically sat on Remus' lap. I had to bite back the memory of doing almost the same thing on that couch when Severus was here. At that point, I just couldn't take anymore.

I excused myself and drove home. Rolling through the door, I was greeted by the sight of my one roommate, Luna Lovegood, sitting upside down on couch reading a manga while listening to some sort of strange tribal music. "You should try this sometime, Harry," she said in her usual spacey tone.

"No thanks. Have you seen Tonks?" I asked. Nymphadora Tonks was the roommate that at least had occasional contact with the real world.

"She went out with Charlie."

I groaned. Even Tonks was in love. Luna and I were the only single people in the whole fucking world, I thought sometimes. She did give me a scare one time when she said that we should get married. After Ginny, I was wary of women and their feelings, but Luna most certainly wasn't Ginny.

Luna and I had known each other since high school. We had similar family situations, and I kind of felt bad for her. She didn't always act the way other people act. The stranger, the better was how she saw things. Her father owned a tabloid magazine, and I guess that's where she got it from. It didn't make her life any easier, just like being a disabled teenager didn't make mine any easier. I wasn't about to judge her. Over the years, we're actually become really good friends. She was one of the first people to start doing volunteer work at the center after her day job. So when I bought this place and decided to rent out the upstairs rooms, I was glad to have her..

Tonks, on the other hand, is someone that I only met fairly recently. She started volunteering a few hours a week at the center a year ago, and now she's the new assistant director. She's almost impossible not to like. The kids adore her. She's got a fun, adventurous way about her that works well at the center. Also, Tonks knows how to roll with the punches. Not much seems to rattle her.

Being a gay man who's never really spent much time with women, you'd think that I would have had a harder time adjusting to life with two of them. I admit, finding a box of tampons sitting on the kitchen counter isn't exactly something I like. I haven't exactly gotten used to seeing Tonks running around nude either. But, I really do like living here. The two of them keep me busy. Tonks is always up for a swim or shooting some hoops. Luna makes sure the house is well stocked with junk food and anime. Life is generally good, but I just can't help missing one person.

Severus follows me around like a ghost. I can't get away from all of the memories we shared. He gave me the most love that anyone ever has. He never made me feel broken, or less than a man. He did his best to make me happy. I can still remember how perfect it was dancing with him in the pool. For the first time, I was ready to spend my life with someone. I can't help it, I miss him.

So what do you think? More reviews will make me write quicker!


	2. Chapter 2

an Many thanks to my beta Eris on this one! And as always love to Hakkai's Lady for all her help.

Chapter 2: Hazy Shade of Winter

I hadn't thought it was possible for Tahiti to look as cold and bland as it did to me on my last day there. My optimism had faded away. Of course, there had always been a part of me that knew he wouldn't call, but I had done my best to deny it. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he had been like all the rest. All of his spirit and conviction had melted away to the same uncertainty and fear that everyone else had. The realization hit hard, and took away what scant enjoyment I took from the place. When I left, I knew that I would never come back.

Moscow was just another city to me. I had not come there with high hopes, and so I was not let down. An entire week went by with me cloistered in my room ordering room service. Unlike the time I spent alone at Harry's, I did not write a single word. My notebook never made it out of my bag. Writing didn't appeal to me at the moment, even though I knew my fans were clamoring for a sequel to my latest novel. They all wanted to see "Steven" happy with "Henry." Despite the money that I would make, I couldn't bring myself to write it.

It didn't take more than a week for my publisher to start hounding me. Paul Addler had given me my start as a published author. Over the years, I've come to regard him as a friend even. Normally, he trusts me enough to do whatever I please with very little interference, but I suppose he had reached a limit. My respect for him demanded that I go to London as he asked.

Paul was a wiry, little man with an eye for real talent, even though he didn't have it himself. He peered at me quizzically over his desk. "Severus, it worries me that you're going to let this press get cold. Now, I know this isn't your first bestseller, but it is by far your most lucrative. Do I have to remind you how many copies we've sold?"

I sighed. "Do you want me to put out more worthless, shit writing just to make more money? I thought that vampire woman proved what happens when something's over and you force it."

"Damn it, Severus, it isn't over. Everyone says the same thing—the book seems unfinished."

"Well, everyone but me."

"How long have I known you?" he asked rubbing his wrinkled hands over his eyes.

"Twenty years."

"In twenty years, I have never read anything of yours like this. It is your absolute best, and your absolute worst. Do what you have to do, and then finish it." Knowing Paul, that was all he would say on the matter. Popping a few pills in his mouth, he looked at his watch. "That moron, Lockhart is supposed to be here at noon. I expect him at two."

I grimaced. My hatred of Gildroy Lockhart was well known. The man was a hack, and everyone knew it. The only reason he continued to get his work in print was because he had managed to play the female readers for all they were worth. Years ago, I had gotten very drunk at a diner party and made the mistake of sleeping with him. It was something that I had regretted deeply ever since, and his appearance was enough to send me on my way.

That evening, I took out my computer and began to type the longest strand of complete crap I had ever written. I promptly deleted it and pretended that it had never happened—not that anyone would have known. My house in London has always reminded me of a dungeon. It is an odd sort of stone home with very few windows, and at the moment it suited my mood.

In between my brooding, I did take time out to visit Lucius Malfoy. Draco's estranged father and I have always had a bizarre friendship. I found him and his wife at their home one afternoon. Lucius didn't seem surprised to see me. "I had heard that you had come crawling back," he sneered.

I narrowed my eyes. "And how like you to follow my social calendar."

He motioned to a seat across from him. "Narcissa tells me that you introduced Draco to his current fuck."

"I think you'll find Remus to be more than that."

The blond man smiled at me. "Oh, my son is smart enough to come back and marry a woman in time to cash in on his inheritance."

I snorted. "You don't seem in danger of dying anytime soon."

For a moment, I thought I saw a sheen of tears in Narcissa's pale eyes. She quickly excused herself. Her exit didn't seem to affect Lucius in the least. "I've had the misfortune of being diagnosed with lung cancer. The doctors tell me it's quite advanced."

I was taken aback for a second. "When did this come up?"

"A week ago. I haven't yet told my darling boy." His lips curled with distaste. "And I am very angry with you, Severus, for teaching my son such sick habits."

"Sick habits indeed," I mocked. "I think it's a little late in the game for you to become the puritan. The boy was born a fag, just as I was."

He looked at his drink bitterly. "You think we didn't know that. I am more disgusted by the fact that he can't keep his sex life quietly under wraps and keep up the Malfoy name."

"We all know how loved the Malfoys are," I said with a laugh. "I think Draco is better off where he is."

I left him there without looking back. It was the true nature of our relationship. I honestly don't think either of us ever gave more than a passing care to the other. Lucius was never a man to make friends. Even with Narcissa, I think he was unable to attach himself to anything but his own desires. We used each other because we both knew neither of us could give a fuck about anyone. The problem was that I wasn't truly like that—maybe not anymore. His coldness was no longer the asset I used to see it as. In a way, I pitied him, but not because he was dying.

At home, I poured myself a glass of wine and put in my favorite CD. I wondered how Draco would take the news of his father's cancer, but he had Remus to comfort him. He was a strong willed boy, and I imagined that he'd manage just fine. There had never been much love between them. The Malfoys were a fucked up family.

Most of my bags were still packed on the floor of my bedroom. I had decided that I wanted a certain shirt, and began rifling through. On top of the first suitcase was a picture that had been taken at Harry's banquet. We were sitting side by side and I had put my arm around him. There was a brilliant glow in his green eyes and I had a genuine smile on my face. It was by far the best picture I had ever taken. In one of my more sentimental moments in Tahiti, I had put it in an ornately carved wooden frame. Now, I regretted that I had ever done that. Part of me regretted that I had ever met Harry. He had shown me that no matter how badly I wanted to be loved and love someone in return, it wasn't worth the pain. We folded like a house of cards, and there was no going back. I didn't even think that he wanted me back.

I think some of you know who the "vampire woman" is.


	3. Chapter 3

AN Think of this kind of as a story within a story. Draco and Remy deserve their share of the limelight too. A big thanks to Amanda for betaing this for me!

Chapter 3: My Secret Heart

OH, WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD?  
TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES  
COME ON AND COME TO ME NOW  
DON'T BE ASHAMED TO CRY  
LET ME SEE YOU THROUGH  
'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE DARK SIDE TOO  
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU  
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO  
NOTHING YOU CONFESS  
COULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS

I'LL STAND BY YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU

SO IF YOU'RE MAD, GET MAD  
DON'T HOLD IT ALL INSIDE  
COME ON AND TALK TO ME NOW  
HEY, WHAT YOU GOT TO HIDE?  
I GET ANGRY TOO  
WELL I'M A LOT LIKE YOU  
WHEN YOU'RE STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS  
AND DON'T KNOW WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE  
LET ME COME ALONG  
'CAUSE EVEN IF YOU'RE WRONG

I'LL STAND BY YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR  
AND I'LL NEVER DESERT YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU

AND WHEN...  
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU, BABY  
YOU'RE FEELING ALL ALONE  
YOU WON'T BE ON YOUR OWN

I'LL STAND BY YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU

I'LL STAND BY YOU  
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR  
AND I'LL NEVER DESERT YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU  
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU  
I'LL STAND BY YOU

Lyrics from "I'll Stand By You" By the Pretenders.

I watched Remy sleeping in the moonlight. It was hard to believe that I had a lover…not just some one-night-stand or boyfriend. Meeting Remus was like finding out that there was another side of myself. He awakened all of the things that I had told myself weren't important. For the first time, I had to face all of my fears of loneliness and abandonment, of being rejected, of being found lacking in some way. He let me bare my soul to him, and banished all of the worst demons in me. I just wished that I could do the same for him.

It wasn't long after I met Remy that I realized that he was not as happy as he seemed. Despite his smile, I knew that he sometimes feels lost. Those amber eyes of his tell me that there are things that he hadn't told me yet. I saw the scars on his arm and knew that he was lying to me every time I asked about them.

We were sitting on his porch sipping some of his favorite tea when I saw them for the first time. At first, I was shocked. They cut in deep starting at his wrist and working their way up to his elbow. Whatever happened must have been extremely painful, and it hurt me to think that he had felt something like that. But when I asked, he merely shook his head, and told me: "It happened a long time ago. You weren't even born yet. There's no point talking about it now." Since then, he's managed to dodge the question quite nicely. In my heart, I know that it has something to do with Sirius.

Sirius—there is a name that could jolt me from my happy little dreams. If I could have never heard that name again, I'd be happy. I hated him even thought I had never met him. The picture of the three of them sitting on our dresser is enough to drive me mad. I'd studied it when Remus wasn't around. First, my eyes would always land on Remy standing in the middle. He had definitely gotten sexier with age, I decided. Then I would look to James and marvel at how he looked exactly like Harry. Last, I loathingly looked at the handsome black haired boy beside Remus. He was gorgeous, and Idearly hoped that he had gotten fat and bald over the years. I didn't know why MY Remy would devote his life to such an ass. I had heard tales of the bastard and his fuck ups since I got here. What could Remus have seen in him?

That night as I lay in bed staring at Remus, I wondered about all these things. I gently touched his cheek. He was so wonderful to me that I sometimes couldn't believe he was real.

"Mmm," he groaned as he rolled over and pulled me tight to him. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"How could I sleep with you snoring like that?" I teased.

He laughed. "I'm not the one who snores, little one."

"I do not," I claimed indignantly.

"You do," he said kissing my forehead. "And it's adorable."

I bit my lip. "Remus, are you happy with me?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course, I'm happy with you. I love you, Draco."

I shook my head. I never doubted that he loved me. "That's not what I asked. Do I make you happy?"

"You do," he answered seriously. "Now what is this all about?"

Sighing, I snuggled against his chest. "Nothing really. I was just thinking, that's all."

"Then I suggest you stop it and go to sleep." He began drifting back into his slumber before I even had time to protest.

The next morning, we both slept in and we were rushing around getting ready for work. At least we can't get fired, I though wryly as we got into Remy's black Escalade. Working at Zora's with Remy could have been the death knell in our relationship, if we both didn't love it so much, and Remus wasn't infinitely patient. Even when I've made a culinary blunder, he'd aken the time to help me fix it. I never thought I'd actually enjoy my career.

Ellen met us at the door with her usual scowl in place. "I'm not having it anymore, Remus! I'm not!"

Remus rubbed his temples. "Calm down, and we can fix this situation."

"I want him out of here and I want him out of here NOW!" she said pointing to the kitchen. There was no need to ask who "he" was.

"Now, Ellen, Alexander is the best head chef we've had in years. Can't we try and mend fences?" Remy asked gently.

"No. He is absolutely the worst sleeze bag I've met since you brought Sirius here. I won't sit back and let him harass the staff anymore, and I will NOT listen to one more crass comment out of his mouth." She would have continued, I think, but a tall Latin man appeared in the door.

"You won't have to, you old bitch. I quit!"

I rolled my eyes as I watched him storm out of Zora's. I hated to say it, but I wasn't sorry in the least to see him go. The only downside was that I knew it meant more work for Remy until he could find a replacement for him. Even though he claimed he didn't have the talent for it, he was an excellent chef--far better than Alexander

"Well, looks like my days off to a good start," he murmured.

I smiled at him helplessly. "Things can only get better."

Ellen tapped her foot. "And another thing…."


	4. Chapter 4

SORRY! I have had a lot going on and no time to write.

Chapter 4: Journey to the Past

I sighed and took another look at the books. Zora's was making everybit as much money that quarter as I had hoped. Minus one head chef, the staff was exceptional. Glowing articles in all the right print and a few celebrity sitings had brought in the customers. The bussiness was doing well, but that was part of what worried me.

Why wasn't I happy? I couldn't exactly say why. For as long as I could remember, I had been throwing myself entirely into what I worked for. There was a sort of calm and contentment that came with it. It was enough to keep me going when nothing else could. Moments like the day Sirius and I were officially over, or when Harry went away to college were only bearable because I could push myself on. But this wasn't anything like that. I was happily settled, and--despite a few minor cracks--my life was going very well. Yet, I felt drained and a bit hollow.

Draco hadn't been right when he confronted me the night before, but nor was he exactly wrong.I just didn't know how to tell him that despite everything, I wasn't happy. How do you tell someone who has given you so much love that you aren't happy? I knew he'd only think that he was the problem, which I was almost certain he wasn't.

So many strange thoughts invaded my head everynight in our bed. I had my usual million-and-one worries to contend with, but also this feeling that everything was crashing down around me. I hated that I couldn't escape. It reminded me of a time in my life that I didn't care to revisit. I wasn't a stranger to this kind of feeling. That in itself was enought to send me skimming through my roledex in my office. I found the name of a therapist that I had visited years ago, and decided to give him a call. After leaving a message, I dug back into the paper work. It was hours later when decided that it was time to go home.

I found Draco curled into a ball on the couch with the remote still clutched in his hand. He looked almost angelic like that with his tussled blond hair and fair complexion. Gently touching his cheek, I sighed. He really did deserve more than I could give him.

"Wake up," I said softly him.

"Hmmmm...Remy? What took you so long?"

"I had work to do at Zora's," I told him.

He looked like a cat as he arched his back. "I was hoping I'd get to see you earlier."

I nodded. "I know, and I'm sorry. What do you say to a vacation? Maybe sometime in the fall," I suggested.

Draco eyed me curiously, and began playing with my hair. "Remy, I wish you'd just tell me what's the matter."

"I don't know what to tell you, Draco."

The hurt in his eyes was cutting me like a knife. "Would you tell me if I were Sirius?"

"Draco, that's not fair."

"Answer me!"

I took a deep breath and told him the truth. "If you were Sirius, you wouldn't have to ask."

He didn't say anything as he got up and left me there. I admit that I deserved it. Maybe I should have lied, but it wasn't something I wanted in our relationship. There was no way I could ever make Draco understand what "we" had been. Sirius saved my life. He was my lover and my best friend for twenty-three years. How could I make Draco see that? Draco was so young, so naive. That's why I loved him so much. Despite a rather sharp tongue, Draco really was about as pure as you could get. He had this way about him. I doubted that he could understand what I had inside of me.

That night, I slept on the couch. The door was closed when I went up after him, and I didn't want to fight anymore. I just didn't have the energy for it.

In the morning, Draco sipped his coffee in silence. I did my best to ignore him, but I failed miserably. We'd had rows before, but nothing like this. I couldn't stand seeing him there looking so dejected. "Are you ever going to forgive me?" I asked.

His cup slammed when he set it down. "You really don't get it, do you? I am your lover. You need to tell me things, if you don't then what is the bloody point?"

"I love you, but I just don't know if I can..." I searched for the word. Trust wasn't what I was looking for. "I don't know if I am ready to have you know about that part of me."

"Maybe we shouldn't do this," Draco said. From the look on his face, there was no questioning what he meant by that.

"I want to be with you," I insisted.

"Remy, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me!"

I closed the gap between us, and pulled him to my chest. Tears began to form in my eyes no matter how hard I tried to push them away. "I do trust you! I just don't know if I can trust myself anymore."

"Let me be there for you," he pleaded.

"It's more complicated than that,Draco."

"Tell me about it. I swear I can listen."

I nodded.Draco wasn't scheduled for work that day, and I called in someone to cover my own shift. I'm sure everyone at Zora's thought I was dying that day. In the entire time I'd owned Zora's I had never missed a single day of work.

We spent the day sitting on the back porch. I prefferred staring at the water in the pool to looking at him. "I was molested as a child. I'm not really sure when it began, but I was about five or so I'd say," I swallowed hard. "We were living in France at the time with my mother's family. There was an old man--or at least he seemed old at the time, though I doubt he was much older at the time than I am now. Anyway, he lived a few houses down, and I remember how kind he was to me. My father had just died a few months before, and I liked the way he treated me. He would always have something or other to give me. A candy bar, a toy car, a balloon, it was always something. It got to the point where I would run to meet him everytime I saw him pull in his drive." I suddenly felt my throat tighten.

Draco was simply listening in silence, holding my hand. He never pushed at me to go on, and that's why I knew I had to.

"One day," I began pushing away the images in my head, "things were different. I remember pushing the door open, and calling his name. He had been waiting for me. I can remember him grabbing me, but everything after that is blurry. He told me it was our secret. I never told anyone, and it kept happening. Finally, we went back to England. For years, I forced myself to forget him, and what had happened. But then I went to Hogwarts. I met Sirius there, and right off I started having thoughts about him. I hated myself for it. In my mind, I was the most vile thing on the Earth. When I was sixteen, I just couldn't take it anymore. I waited until the dorm was empty, and went into the bathroom. I had a razor blade with me, and before I knew it was cutting at my arm. Sirius and James found me there. By that time, I had lost enough blood that I really wasn't with it. I spent nearly a month in a mental hospital. When I came back, Sirius was always there. Always telling me it wasn't my fault...that he loved me the way I was. He became my world. After school,we started a real life together, but I still wasn't happy. I saw a string of therapists...tried more antidepressants than I can name. Finally, when I had Sirius and Harry and Zora's, I convinced myself that I really was happy. But things didn't last. I knew he was cheating on me. By the time he left, I didn't feel a thing." Not knowing what more to say, I shurgged. "You know the rest."

Draco's cheeks were wet. He reached out and brushed away the tears from my own face. "I love you, Remy. I wish that I could take it all away. I wish I could make you happy."

"I love you, too, and you do make me happy, Draco. I just...I don't know anymore. I called a therapist yesterday."

"Perhaps you should schedule two meetings."

I was sure I'd misheard him. "Excuse me?"

"I want to make this work, Remy. Maybe if we do it together..."

My heart swelled. "God, I love you."

He gave me an impish smile. "I know it. There aren't many men in the world like me."

I laughed. "And I am very glad to have you," I agreed kissing him. Maybe this was what I had been waiting for.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: You asked for it! I am going to continue this story.

Chapter 5: Stupid Boy

Swimming has always been a cure-all for me. It's one of the best forms of exercise for me, but it's more than just that. The water clears my head like nothing else can. I can just swim. Nothing else. No other reasons. Or at least, I COULD just swim. After Severus, it's hard not to remember how it felt "dancing" in the water. It's just one more way that my life is segregated into "before" and "after." Nothing in my life was left unchanged, not even the way I felt about the water. Now, swimming was something I did because I knew I should.

It had been another rough day at work. Cut backs and Title IX were making my job harder. I could narrowly save the swim team, but it looked like the gymnastics team was going to have to go. With the school board breathing down my neck, I was having trouble remembering why I had decided to come back to my day job. The pool that day didn't do much to clear my head...mostly because I was using the school's pool.

I took another few strong strokes before making my way to the side of the pool. Just when I was about to get out, I saw Evan Richards coming out of the locker room. Evan was easily one of the most perfect men I had ever seen in real life. He was tall and athletic with honey gold hair and friendly blue eyes. I liked Evan, but I hadn't talked to him much. I was always in my office by the gym and he taught English on the second floor. He didn't seem to think of me as an invalid--always a plus.

Evan smiled at me. "Mind if I join you for a few laps?" he asked.

"Not at all," I replied turning on my back.

I watched as he took his place on the block. He looked like he belonged there. I knew that Evan had only barely missed the last Olympic trials and held several state and national records. In on perfect motion, he sprung from the block and into the water.

For some bizarre reason, I decided to try and keep pace with him. His strokes were cleaner than my own. Unlike me, Evan was a trained, professional athlete. Needless to say, he also had the benefit of being able to use his entire body to push him through the water. Still, I held my own. I didn't disgrace gimp athletes everywhere.

When Evan stopped, he grinned at me. "Not bad."

"Thanks," I said sheepishly.

"I've never seen you here after classes," he commented. "It's odd sharing the pool."

I laughed. "I didn't mean to invade your space."

"I didn't say I minded. You give me a reason to show off." Evan was looking at me with open appreciation, and I can't say I didn't like it.

"So if you weren't showing off, I could have beaten you," I teased.

Evan raised a brow. "Would you like a head start next time?"

"Even cripples have pride."

"You're faster than most swimmers I know. Have you ever thought about going for the Paralympics?" he asked.

I was impressed. Not many people took things as head on as Evan did. He didn't seem bothered in the least by my disability. I shook my head. "I don't have time to dedicate to the type of training it would take."

"Oh. I know what you mean. My sister, Rebecca put just about everything she had into skiing when she was competing. There were about three years when neither of us had lives," he said with a laugh.

"Your sister was in the Paralympics?"

He nodded. "She lost her leg in a car accident when we were still kids. My parents didn't take her seriously when she said she wanted to ski. Well, at least they didn't until she made us all eat her snow in Apsen."

"I tried skiing once. I was out there long enough to realize that the mono-ski is not my friend," I told him with a laugh. "My best friend is the skier."

"What do you say to getting dry and going out for coffee?"

Now it was my turn to quirk and eyebrow. "Just to clarify, are you asking me out?"

Evan laughed heartily. "That depends on if you're saying yes."

I sighed. "I can't. I have to be at the sports center for a soccer game."

"A man with dedication," he remarked. "That just means I'm going to have to keep asking. Tomorrow night maybe?"

My heart was pounding. There I was, in the pool being asked out by a guy that most people would consider out of my league...and I just couldn't say yes. "Tomorrow's no good either. Can I take a rain check?"

"Sure," he answered. I could see the disappointment in his eyes.

I was being a coward, and I knew it. In my whole life, I have only had two relationships, and I've never really been on the dating scene. Right out of high school, Oliver and I got together. We went out on a few dates, fooled around a few times, and things just got serious from there. Sure, I went on a few dates that went nowhere afterward, but they seemed completely pointless. And then there was Severus...

That night, Tonks caught me after the soccer game. She eyed me curiously and crossed her arms. "What's up with that look?"

"Look? Nothing," I lied. I hoped that she'd drop it, but I knew she wouldn't.

"I was asked out by an Adonis," I told her glumly.

She rolled her eyes.

"No, really, I was!" I protested.

"In my book, that's a good thing. So why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?" Tonks leaned on my desk.

"Because I couldn't say yes."

"What? Why not?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

Tonks gave me a sad look. "Want to know what I think?"

"What?"

"You're the absolute most idiotic man I've ever met." With that, Tonks left me to my brooding.


End file.
